


Welcome to my twisted mind - The Intellect's Edition

by ghibliterritory



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Gen, More of a headcanon, Schizophrenia, Schizophrenic Pidge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-20
Updated: 2017-09-20
Packaged: 2018-12-31 23:30:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12143469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghibliterritory/pseuds/ghibliterritory
Summary: A bit of a delve into a headcanon I have for Pidge.





	Welcome to my twisted mind - The Intellect's Edition

There was absolutely nothing wrong with Pidge Holt. If you thought so, anyone would tell you how wrong you were. She was extraordinary. She excelled in her studies from kindergarten to junior year. She won awards, cracked horrible jokes, she pulled dumb stunts and could beat anyone in a Taki eating contest in her sleep if she wanted to. Pidge was a model human being. To some. To everyone.

 

But there were few, a slim few, that knew the lies she presented.

 

Pidge had schizophrenia. Which wasn’t as big of a deal as people make it out to be. As soon as she was diagnosed, she delved into heavy studies about the disorder, and she learned that she really was as sane as everyone else. Well. Not sane. But, human. She was just as human. It wasn’t something she needed to be ashamed of. But still, she hid her affliction. Only her family knew, and her geeky brother’s boyfriend, but he was trustworthy.

 

She covered up all signs of her schizophrenia. She pretended, opposing all symptoms. Pidge communicated. She showed just a little emotion, she passed off her weird phrasing as things she only understood- inside jokes. She took medication and went to therapy. Not even her family could tell the difference.

 

In her mind, and in her privacy, she showed all the signs. She didn’t get all the social cues. She spoke in odd ways, she didn’t emote properly. She laughed at tragedy, she cried at humor. She was tense all the time, hearing the out of place voices against her ear or feeling her nerves get more confused than she ever was. She feared the great outside force that controlled her life, and found herself separated from her world more than she really pleased. It was scary. But it would be fine, if she just clenched her fists and wiped away the sweat.

 

The real trouble with her schizophrenia surfaced on the trip to space. Trust me, that makes more sense than you think.

 

Had she known where she was going, she might have shoved her medicine in her bag. Had she known how long she would be gone, she might have decided to stay. To go home. To fall onto her bed and sit in her silence and shake and wait for it to be over. There were no aliens. No crashing ships, no brothers or fathers or best friends- she needed to get out of her head.

 

It was all real, through. And that scared her. Going through this new life where she talked to those who could have been controlling her life, and faced every struggle without even a therapist to call. Not even Shiro could help her.

 

Her symptoms got worse. Her anxiety attacks grew. She found the world distorting around her, mixing up her lion’s voice with all of the others she had heard over the years. They spoke of harmful things. Doubts and fears she had deep in her core. She managed to push through when her teammates called for her. They needed her. And at this point, she needed them. But after every battle, she’d hide, breathe, sink into the comfort of her technology and relax again. Then she was back to regular Pidge. With nothing wrong, and the most amazing brain you could imagine.

 

Once, though, it got too far.

 

Shiro was gone. They had just completed one of the most difficult tasks they’d ever faced, they’d halted evil that reigned through the universe. And the man who really did it was gone.

 

Everyone was upset about it, of course. They were worried, and fearful- desperate to find him. None of them knew Pidge’s pain over this. None of them ever really could know how she felt, and she hated them all for it. She hated them for their bonds, their ways of communicating, and their ability to show the emotion they felt when Shiro was gone. She despised it. The only way they could tell was when she shut herself away, and not even the mice could find her.

 

In a corner of the castle, close to the stairways, a hole sat, and if you crawled through, you could find a room with stars on its ceiling and room for hundreds of people. This is where Pidge stayed. Hidden in her little space, she cried over the loss of Shiro. She raged at the misunderstanding she faced with her teammates. She cowered as her nerves spiked, and the tenseness in her muscles pulled at her and made her ache. She blocked out the whisperings of some disembodied voice, and she showed all the colors that she had wanted so desperately to show someone, anyone, without being labeled as crazy.

 

Maybe she was crazy. Maybe this was her breaking point, and the world she knew now was a figment of the jumbled mind in her head. Pidge could only pray that it wasn’t, for now.

 

Only pray.


End file.
